fall transitions
fall seems to be arriving ‘on time’
i’ve been spending my mornings
watching leaves swirl and fall
the leaves were yellow on monday
and orange, my favorite, on friday
the deep reds persist
the blinding sun returns
crispy air!!!!
it is so abundant and lush here
soon the world will be brown, blue, and gray
i also love those colors.
one morning i watched the fog quietly lift
the squirrels are always hopping… hop, leap, or flee
i liked the one that hung upside down and swung to another branch
yes…
the deer notice me immediately
we make eye contact
whoah
especially with the buck
i feel like I’m in a magical cartoon movie
when a fox bursts out of the bushes, pauses against a tree, looks at me, runs away, and the next card i pull has a fox on it.
the good news?
my matcha latte is becoming more consistent
oat milk or powdered milk only
turmeric and ginger
and of course, the matcha.
warm.
yum.
more post-it notes
where am i?
surprisingly, where i thought i might be
where do i want to go?
continuing to dream and ideate
hello again.
i love sitting at my desk
the lighting is so good
the plants are always interesting
i still don’t know why there’s a giant green ball hanging from one plant
how has the branch not snapped?
if it’s a bloom in progress, i could resonate with that
no movement, no change, at least not on the outside
i’m still sad about one of my struggling plants that has been reduced to a twig
but one plant that grew from a twig is thriving
and that feels important.
i went on a borrowing rampage at the library
and stopped placing holds because they were coming in too fast
i’ve set up a bookshelf of library books
we’ve got lots of books about the abrahamic religions
and i (finally) read a book about the torah
contemplative tarot
voice
adoption
poems of ecstasy
healing
a zen comic book
i feel the impatience
what am i looking for?
i feel the frenzy again
i like turning physical pages though
it helps me slow down
yesterday
i slept with a book about the bible and a book about borders.
it’s sock season
so either cat socks or running socks
no inbetween.
my arms are getting stronger
even if they look the same
i run my hands over my callouses
and revel in the roughness
playing guitar has been so important
so fun.
my most toxic trait has been ordering off of amazon
i just pre-ordered my first book, an adoptee anthology
what will i find there?
i’m doing my best and it’s just too good
i know I’ve watched too much tiktok when the algorithm shows me videos i’ve already liked
but so much has been on repeat
the musicians who play guitars are my favorite
the sad songs
the sensual songs
anything that stirs my heart
i’ve realized i experienced heartbreak on repeat before i ever experienced my own heartbreak.
all over the place,
and yet i’m only here
less scattered and more whole than i might feel.
if everything is a mirror, then wow, i see it:
chaotic, crazy, calm
no apathy though
i am grateful for that
there’s so many things i’m looking forward to.
of course, i want to fill the ‘space’ with stuff
but when i talk about what i desire, space is what i crave
you already have “it”
you’re already “in” it.
i love going to sleep
i love my bed
and i love waking up
to meet the wind, squirrels, deer, trees, and light all over again.