The Summer of Acceptance
Table of Contents
The Beginning
This summer 2022 started in a fog and a frenzy. I tested positive for COVID-19 (for the first time) in mid-May and it wiped me out. I experienced crippling muscle aches, depression, extreme exhaustion, and congestion for two solid weeks. I lost my appetite and stubbornly resisted the rest that my body needed because I had time-sensitive things to do.
Thankfully, two weeks later I tested negative and my exhaustion eased for a brief window of time… enough time for me to get a time-sensitive visa, move to Seattle, and begin my summer MBA internship.
Looking back, it all “worked out.” Life unfolded in an imperfect way once again.
A Feeling
On the flight to Seattle, I recall waking up from a nap and looking out the airplane window… I saw sparkly blue lakes and beautiful trees that were breathtaking shades of green. Amazing.
My good friend, S, said I would really enjoy Seattle and I remember asking her, How do you know? I started tearing up on the plane, overwhelmed with a feeling that she might be right.
This summer was going to be worthwhile. Fun. Different. Transformative.
Questions
In the first month of living and working in Seattle, I exhausted myself with getting to know the city, my internship, and trying to answer all of the questions in my head. Do I like the team? The job? The culture? The location? What kind of people live in Seattle? Can I see myself here? What about this? That?
By the end of the first thirty days, I barely answered any of those questions. Instead, I found myself experiencing chronic exhaustion (maybe from COVID? Moving?). I was reliving the deep joy and pain of my last long-term relationship. As a result, I slept a lot. I cried. I didn’t eat very much. I physically couldn’t do as much as I wanted or expected from myself. It was scary to not meet my self-imposed expectations. I was angry and exhausted for many reasons.
Movement
During the second month, I focused on settling into my space. Relax. I moved into a college dorm. Went on dates. Explored a lot of public spaces. Met a stranger, L, who became a good friend. Embarked on solo hikes. Enjoyed delicious Thai food. Started listening to Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes LOL. Soaked in the sunset over the Olympic mountain range with loved ones every chance I got. Drove a ton — yippee. Desired to be alone. Also cherished time with friends.
Acceptance
In the third month, I found myself hearing the word ‘acceptance.’ Accept that the person you loved is no longer here. Yes, you miss them, and yes, you don’t want them in your life. Accept that you wish for a return offer and you may not get one. Accept you will gain clarity in time. Accept the abundance and people that are entering your life – at some point, I was feeling supported by so many (A, C, J, K, L, N, M…). Accept that they are here to support you. Accept the goodness alongside the pain. And lastly, accept that you are untethered.
By the end of the third month, I found myself embraced by so much love, spontaneity, and contentment. I watched the sunset over the Puget Sound with my new dear friend, L, and wondered, what’s next? In the short-term, I was ready to leave Seattle, let the sand settle, and see what I would find.
Outcomes
Tangibly, I had secured a return offer with a company, team, and product I genuinely enjoyed. During the summer, I was intentional about conducting due diligence and determining whether this internship was in alignment with what I wanted. Over time, I felt resounding peace and optimism.
Additionally, I am grateful to have explored another culture and way of living in the US this summer… A way that felt way more aligned with what I want for myself. Creative ways. Different ways. Ways that might be more me.
And finally, I have embraced the concept of “acceptance” a little bit more. I sense my uniqueness. I feel my value. I have so many lists and thoughts to write down. I am recognizing and remembering my power.
I keep returning to the word: “optionality”. As I enter my second year of business school, I have learned how much I truly value my independence and why. I crave a platter filled with a variety of tapas.
Present Day
For the last month, I have woken up and felt like my life is so surreal. I am grateful. I am working on acceptance. I am breathing. I am spending less time on social media. I am connecting. I am thinking. I am dreaming. I am mesmerized and constantly marveling. I am watching life unfold one moment at a time. I am. So hum.
How can I continue cultivating this experience in the future?